I am a firm believer that we pull our energy from the space in which we exist. In the same turn, the space we are in, also pulls its energy from us. I remember after leaving my first husband, moving with my sons, oldest son 3 years old at the time and the twins were 1 year old, from our large dream-home to a two-bedroom condo the fear I felt. This condo was very special to me as it had been my first property I had ever purchased 10 years prior and had since been renting it out after marrying my children’s father. Not only was I being forced to leave the home that I had nested in and planned on raising my babies in, but it was under very stressful circumstances that had revealed my former life of 18 years prior to the divorce as one that was fake and scripted. A life that consumed a space, both literally and figuratively, I had now been made to realize did not exist and was left to feel like the joke was on me. A space in which I had once felt safe, comfort and ‘home.’ This was a space that I had worked hard for with someone that I had given a space in my heart and future with, only to be presented with the fact that he was also filling his space with others, not just me and my children. I share this experience not to bad-mouth my former husband, or put any negative spin on what was ultimately our life path, but to share with all of our readers that it can happen to anyone and you are not alone. I felt not just betrayed by my former life, but also by the space that I had thought I was secure in, under my very own roof. Anxiety kicked in and I could no longer physically be in this space and be well or function. I was heart broken as I began to sell-off all my prized possessions and furniture that I had so tenderly and passionately picked out over the years in preparation for our move to a space that would be 10 times smaller and compact. How would my children adapt? How would I be able to squeeze all of them into one bedroom that would also serve as a playroom? These thoughts and many more crossed my mind as I prepared for our new ‘normal.’
When moving day came, the most amazing thing happened. As I locked up my beloved house for the very last time and said good-bye, a sense of relief and empowerment overcame me. I would no longer live in the dark and unknown emptiness that had been surrounding us. I would no longer let my environment or space in which I physically or mentally exist control me. I had a choice. I always had a choice, and I made it. I was choosing to be Happy.
The first few months were a bit crazy and I had to learn to let go of my OCD tendencies to immediately pick up and organize as the boy’s toys would spew out of their room and into our crowded living space. I had to learn how to be a baller-on-a-budget and was newly back in school to refresh my skills after taking the prior year off to stay home with the kiddos. And, most importantly, I had to learn how to love myself again. Looking back now, 5 years later, my sons still relive the glory of our condo days and the fun we had there together. This is also the space where we first met and ultimately invited my current husband to share his life with us. We chose to be Happy.
The first step in creating a space is to identify who you are and where you are in everyday life. The best version of you. Our space should be a replica of what we want, have and value. Being surrounded by what and who make us feel complete is far more important than the amount of space we have or consume within our daily grind. It is from that state of being complete that we are able to draw that positive energy and rejuvenate for the next day and next challenge. For me, challenges are not just the big things we do, but the things that we do in order to achieve those big things and the prep work behind them. For instance, the way in which I have my kitchen set up in the mornings when I am trying to get the kids up and out the door, my husband squared away, and dinner prepped and ready for when we return from soccer practice directly affects how I will see myself and function in the other areas of my day. Organizing yourself and having everything in place will set you up for success mentally, emotionally and physically. Many of us use our space for various things within a 24-hour period and those spaces must alternate with us, not against us. These are all of the things that we will consider when evaluating your space and designing.
Going back to that time in my life where I felt forced to make decisions based off of other people’s mistakes, I always had felt weighed-down by feeling like I had to sacrifice something in order to get another. Years later, now that I have found my personal ‘Querencia,’ I know that is not the case at all. You CAN have everything that you need in both your tangible and intangible spaces. I find the hardest part of this whole process for my clients is simply identifying their wants and needs and being 100% honest with themselves. Once we have identified these items, that is when we are able to shape them into a physical space that will nurture and facilitate the life that everyone deserves and can have. Choose Happy.
